Ok, so is it weird that I just got schooled by my 10 year old?
She told me what for.
Like unequivocally told.
You see she’s been doing this coding project for the last 10 weeks. She bought it home over the holidays to work on it. Of course I was fascinated by it. I was extremely proud of what she had produced. It was phenomenal the progress and innovation she had shown.
I asked questions.
I showed interest.
I made suggestions.
I bought things.
I made sketches.
I said things like… but what if… or why not try.. Or have you thought of…
Each time she listened tentatively.
She said ‘O.K’
But do you see anything wrong with any of this?
You guessed it… basically for 5 days straight it became my project!
I took over.
Somehow, I must have had some unfinished business because I was able to make it all about me.
Anyway. This continued.
I was blissfully unaware.
That was until….it happened.
Anyway, back to the event.
So midway through cleaning her room. I mentioned creating a net for the object she was making. And then came the words spoken so clearly, truthfully and authentically
“ Mommy, ever since I bought my project home it feels like you have been taking over.
I like my project just the way it is.”
I had several ways this could have panned out.
Angry, defensive Mom
What on earth are you talking about? ( Rage)
How dare you speak to me like that? ( More rage)
How rude and disrespectful. ( Blame)
Blaming anyone and everyone but myself. ( Blame)
Sad, hurt Mom
Oh my gosh. She doesn’t want me anymore.She’s all grown up. ( Disappointment)
Sobbing. Acting stroppy. Blanking her out. Feeling unwanted. Feeling upset. ( Hopeless)
Jealous playing stories in her head Mom
Oh she would rather be with her friends. ( Hopelessness)
She doesn’t want me to be involved. I can’t do anything right. ( powerless)
However, this was My response
“Ok, honey. Thank you for letting me know.”
Smiling as I walked out of the room full of LOVE and positive feelings.
Smiling because my daughter had just spoken freely.
She had used her voice.
She was being brave. She had the courage to stand up to me and say what she truly felt.
I was so proud of her.
She had just cast my reflection right back at me.
Luckily with all the work I had been doing I was able to ask myself some questions.
Why was I doing this?
Was this me trying to build some connection with her?
Was this me craving connection from her?
Was I blissfully unaware of my colossal take over because I believed I knew better than her?
Was I knitpicking?
Was I being a helicopter Mom? Is that what they’re even called these days?
Why was I making this all about me?
I never would have asked these questions 3 years ago.
Two years ago, I was starting to make a difference.
Maybe I would have thought about it, but I never would have been able to react like that. I’d be angry mom, or sad mom on a good day!
I guess my journey has meant that I am now able to cope with things better.
I guess this is courage.
The courage to find out the answer.
The courage to act upon the truth.
The courage to hear the truth.
I’ve been working so hard to learn more about myself.
To find out about who I am in this life.
To explore being the happiest, most empowered, free version of myself that I can be.
Maybe her exuding all of these characteristics were what was resonating back to me. That’s why I was unable to argue with it.
That’s why my only response was to say OK.
That’s why I had no other choice but to look back at my reflection and ask myself the questions.
Ironically the card I drew today was The Hermit. Looking inwards. I think that this was the opportunity for doing that.
Now over to you.
Are there any opportunities for you to take the courage and stare back at your reflection?
Are there any questions that you need to ask yourself?
Write your answers in the comments below.
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